Evening Reflection: Hope lives here

Living with depression is scary. I never know what will set me off. I never know if I am hours or even minutes away from the spiral that ends it all. Thankfully, there is nothing in this house to help me end it all with ease, and I’ve never really been to that point, but I’ve been close enough for comfort.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful. I feel what is possible. I accept that something even better than what I think is possible is in fact possible. I am excited about what is to come.

I still feel like this could all go away in an instant. That I’ll remember all the promises I broke, all the dreams I forgot, all the plans I ignored. And I am scared to tell anyone what I want because they’ve heard it before and then watched me not follow through. I would never follow through.

But now I have this, accountability, and absolutely nothing to lose. Every part of my life is open for transformation - my health, my body, my business, my relationships, my space. All of it.

So for now, hope lives here. May she always feel welcome.