Morning Motivation: Training for Everest one mailbox at a time

I’ve been taught to vision my big dreams; to actually picture myself on top of Mt. Everest or walking into Basecamp for the first time. I am supposed to imagine what it would feel like, smell like, taste like. I need to feel that same feeling now to connect with my dream and make it a reality; to use that deep feeling as if it is already done to fuel my training and keep me inspired.

But how does imagining myself at the top of the world connect me at all the being on the couch right now?

That feels WAY too overwhelming and impossible and downright scary. I can look at photos of Everest and cry because I want to see it with my own eyes. I can follow climbers on the mountain right now awaiting the summit window and be in awe of their courage and strength, and even see myself in one of those tents some day. But that doesn’t get me out of bed in the morning.

If I had to wake up each morning and say that I had to go to the gym to train for Everest, I would freak out more days than not. It just feels too far away and too impossible of a dream.

But what I can do is say I need to beat my time yesterday. I need to stick to my training plan. I need to be just a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, a little bit more courageous today than yesterday.

That’s it.

In “Rise of Superman,” Steven Kotler claims that in order to get into flow state (a state of total absorption), the challenge must be 4 percent greater than the skills.

If I were to go out tomorrow with a goal to walk 5 miles in 60 minutes (my target for the start of my official Everest Trek training program from Uphill Athlete that begins on July 9th) - with ease, then I would quickly give up not just the training but the entire dream of climbing Everest because of where I am starting and the distance I have to cover in order to make that even possible.

But if I go out each morning and aim to walk for just 2 more minutes or do just 2 more reps or drink just 2 more cups of water each day, that doesn’t seem so impossible.

It’s not just chunking down the training, but also staying uber-focused on where I am during my workouts.

For example, when I am walking around my neighborhood, I could aim for the typical markers: the fork in the road, the top of the hill, the Brown’s old house, my driveway to track my progress. But right now, even those markers feel impossible.

So I go from mailbox to mailbox. I only have to walk to the next mailbox. That’s it. I can stop if I want to. But I can’t stop until I get there.

One mailbox at a time. I look just a few feet ahead of me - totally doable. But before I know it, I’ve walked 1/4 of a mile. Tomorrow, I go one mailbox further. Just 2 more minutes. That’s it.

Nothing is more inspiring than tracking positive progress.

I can dream BIG but I aim SMALL.

So, how do I plan on training for Mt. Everest? One mailbox at a time.

Morning Motivation: Another week closer to Base Camp

In just a few days, hundreds of people will begin their journey to Everest Base Camp in their attempt to summit the highest peak on Earth. For me, today begins another week of Everest Base Camp planning, fundraising, and most importantly, training.

Sometimes it feels like too much, and that sends me into a panic spiral because Base Camp is the easy part. If I can’t manage that piece of the puzzle, how the hell will I ever make it to the top, much less film it and turn that into something millions of people want to watch.

What I have to remind myself is to only focus on the next step. Right now, that is getting my training program started (yes, started!) and figuring out my business so I can begin bringing in the money I need to make this happen while also leaving plenty of space for training and spending 1 month away from my computer for the BC trip in November.

One thing at a time. Focus. Dedication. Determination.

It all starts with a step. Not a jump or a leap or a marathon. Even a baby step will do.

Just move in the direction of my dreams. Every single day.

Until…

Morning Motivation: All signs point to YES

Something happens when you fully commit to your dreams. It’s not quite like the Paulo Coelho quote,

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

but close. First, you have to more than want something. You have to be willing to lose everything in order to reach your goal. As in both hands and both feet off the wall as you reach toward the higher ledge. As in ALL IN and open to all the pain, heartache, embarrassment, panic, anxiety, shame, blame, fear, and everything else that goes with being obsessed over a single event or purpose.

People will think you are crazy. You do it anyway.
People will tell you no. You ask anyway.
People will warn you’re going too far. You keep going anyway.
People will say you are unrealistic. You dream bigger.
People will claim to worry about you. You remind them why it is important - and keep doing it.
People will push their fears and jealousy on you. You ignore it all and just. keep. going.

For me, this week has been all about doing more and acting bigger. It’s been about actions I can take to make things move faster, how I can be bolder, ways to test my resolve now so I can figure out how to stop my inevitable self-sabotage.

It has meant friends introducing me to friends and offering their services and sharing that they are proud of me. It means connections from out of the blue and experts all the sudden showing up in my Facebook feed. It means business trainings coming in like Flash so I can turn around and make money when before it would take months to go from idea to sales to delivery.

It may not be everything is just falling at my feet, but when I keep my eyes open, it is pretty close.

Morning Motivation: A new relationship with ... everything

When I began thinking about this experience, this journey, I knew I would have to change my relationship with myself - how I treated myself, my body, my emotion, my energy, my fears. I thought that would be the most difficult part of the entire process.

I forgot that I can’t do this alone, so I would also have to release all my resistance around asking for support without anything in return. To ask for help just because I need it and trusting that the person in front of me will say yes and follow through.

I forget that I can’t do this without a lot of money (I mean, a lot), so i would have to surrender to my fear of financial security and safety in order to ask strangers to support my vision. I have to be okay with asking for something with no expectation of return, of not also offering to do something to deserve that money other than follow my dream. To realize - to accept - that I am worthy of every dollar of support, whether it is a $5 donation or a $50,000 grant - I am deserving of it all. And I don’t have to prove anything or give anything away. I am deserving of it right now.

I didn’t realize how much I would have to dip into the audaciousness (on the verge of insanity) that required me to ask for what I want, for what I need. Like asking car dealerships to give me a car or corporations to donate gear or experts to share their expertise or videographers to donate their time and experience.

I have to learn to see myself as worthy, as deserving, as capable of pulling this off. I have to trust that my determination is so rooted in purpose that I can’t fail - that everything is happening FOR me, not TO me.

I am trying not to feel crushed by all that needs to happen; trying not to become paralyzed by all the changes that need to be made and fears that must be faced.

And to be honest, I feel more like me than I ever have in my life. This is who I have always been and who I am meant to be. I just let life bury me in doubt, shame, and hate.

So I get to create a new relationship with everything and that is exciting.

Morning Motivation: Going into the darkest cave

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” - Joseph Campbell

I have found my cave and it is dark and scary and filled with every single thing I have ever tried to hide from over my entire life. My fatness, my looks, my failures, my flakiness, my laziness, my lack of follow through. All of it is coming up right now because I took massive action and hired a coach to hold me accountable to this dream.

I don’t know why I though I could create this documentary and not do the audacious things that it takes to make the impossible happen.

The rejections and the vulnerability and the counting on faith.

Holy fuck. This is some big shit.

And yet, I know it must be done. I can prepare myself for the setbacks and also open myself up to receive the support I know I will receive from friends and complete strangers.

To be honest, I think receiving support is going to be harder for me to do. I’ve been told no before. Lots. But for someone to hold my dreams close to their heart and do something - anything - to help me achieve my goal, that is massive for me. That is a self-worth up-leveling. That is a trusting myself to complete this project thing.

The train is leaving the station and I can either stay on the platform and watch it move farther away from me or I can hold on, not 100% committed - and try running beside it for as long as I can hold on in desperation and fear (that sounds fun) or I CAN GET THE FUCK ON BOARD AND RIDE IT OUT - ups and downs and all of it.

100% ALL IN.

I’m on board. I can’t wait for you to join me.

Morning Motivation: It gets easier, right?

I broke my commitment by not posting anything yesterday, even though I started a Morning Inspiration post, I didn’t finish it and, well, I really don’t want to publish what I ate during the day. Let’s just say Girl Scouts are evil and Chinese takeout is delicious. And Mountain Dew.

So, today I am 100% recommitted to my dream. Except that I am two hours behind schedule, sacrificing my workout and writing time to sleep in and now I am eating reheated Chinese takeout instead of my banana protein smoothie. Great start, huh?

I do feel things shifting, but sometimes I wonder if all the change that needs to happen will feel more like an avalanche that I can’t work my way out of. It feels like things will start to pile on my and I won’t be strong enough or rooted enough in my vision to handle the pressure and that I will instead just roll with it or be buried by it all.

I’ve been in comfort zone mode for so long that any bit of change feels enormous. But I can’t stay here. I know I can’t continue to live like this. So that means change. And bold dreams require bold action.

I know I can handle anything that comes my way. I am a strong, smart, resourceful (and privileged) woman. I can figure shit out. I can make things happen.

I just have to get out of my own way. And get out of bed when the alarm goes off.

Morning Motivation: Training doesn't stop for the weekend

It’s Saturday and I have a car. Yay! I’m taking this bad boy rental car to Knoxville to catch Free Solo on the big screen, then head to Old Time Pottery for some plates and office decorations, then to Trader Joe’s for all the veganess I can handle.

That means making better food choices away from home. It means getting in my water without having to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes. And it means fining time to move my body - to walk with intention.

What I know for sure is that the training - my journey - doesn’t stop for the weekend. Every minute is an opportunity to learn more about who I am and what I am capable of.

Even on Saturdays.

Morning Motivation: When it feels like the road is too long...

I weighed myself yesterday (315 pounds) and wondered how I got here and how am I ever going to reach my dreams which rely on my body being strong, healthy, and fit. My most accounts, it should take me about 2 years to lose the weight (I would love to be around 130-145 pounds) but that means training for Everest with all of this extra baggage. Think what that will do to my knees and back.

It almost feels like it will take too long, and be too hard, so why even bother? I did this to myself so now I have to suffer to undo it to myself.

On most days, those thoughts would have sent me spiraling into a hole of unhealthy food and binge watching. But it didn’t. I stuck with the program and even worked out for the first time in forever.

What I remembered, and what I always need to remember, is that this isn’t really about getting to the summit of Everest. Yes, that is my goal. But it is the journey that I am more curious about, and absolutely committed to.

I’ve spent my whole life knowing that I am capable of more. Wondering if this is all there is to life? Yearning for my own adventures and connections and celebrations. I am not normal. I am not meant to live a normal life. I’ve known that since my first semester of college. So why have I let life control how I live and how I see myself?

Truth is I am in control. I own this one life and this is all I have right now. I can choose to follow my dreams even with the understanding that it will be hard, impossible even, and that there are no guarantees. And I get to choose every single day how I want to live my life. What attitude I want to bring to the day. How I want to be in service to the world.

I am not normal. I have impossible dreams. And I am audacious enough to believe I can reach them.

So when the road feels too long, too bumpy, too curvy, too hilly, and filled with too many roadblocks, I get to remember that it really is about the journey and to sit back and enjoy the view.

Morning Motivation: It's about time

I was thinking this morning that I wish I was already done with this journey and preparing to head to Everest in a few weeks with the thousands of other climbers with the same dream. The distance between now and then felt impossible.

And then I remembered that time moves fast. I mean, tomorrow is the first day of March, in the year 2019. How did that happen? My wishing time would speed up doesn’t need to happen. Time moves fast enough as it is.

Also, I need the time to learn the lesson. To overcome the challenges. To dance with my fears. To grow into the person I need to be in order to summit the tallest peak in the world.

Bypassing all of that just so I don’t have to wait is ridiculous. I am telling myself I don’t trust that I will stick with this. That if it doesn’t happen soon, while I am still this committed, that it won’t happen because I have a history of giving up.

But here’s the thing. History is just time in which lessons can be extracted. Yes, I failed a lot. Mostly, I never even tried. Lots of planning and not a lot of doing.

With every failure I can examine what worked and what didn’t, and then take those lessons into my present situation so things that stood in my way won’t be repeated.

Most importantly, though, is that even with this big dream, I have no idea what the Universe is going to throw my way. I’m not supposed to. That is part of the fun of being a human. All I can do is listen to soul’s desires, live and act in service to my purpose, and move accordingly to my heart’s calls. If that leads me to the summit of Everest, awesome. If not, then imagine the journey in store for me.

So when I ask the Universe to guide me to the top of the world or something better, imagine what that could mean.

Only time will tell. And I am committed to loving every step of the journey.

Morning Motivation: When the clouds roll in...

It’s Wednesday morning and the clouds have returned, physically and metaphorically. I have no idea what I want to do with my business, except that I know copywriting is making me a nervous wreck who constantly questions my ability to write. And without my writing, I am nothing. I am a Writer. So when a client changes every.single.word on a sales page, I start to lose my way.

I need to take some serious, crazy, audacious leaps in my life. Not small ones that can be forgotten or glossed over within a few days. But some “holy fuck, what is she doing and who does she think she is” changes.

And I am terrified.

What if I am not good enough?
What if I am that lazy?
What if I am that stupid (or at least not smart enough to be seen as the expert in whatever I need to be an expert in)?
What if I am that much of a coward?
What if I am supposed to play small, stay in my lane, not make waves, just exist?

I am nothing special.
I am nothing important.
I am nothing …

But I am a child of God. And when God puts something in your heart that is so big, and feels so right, how can I question whether this is what I am meant to do?

They say that the Universe never gives you a challenge you can’t handle, a problem you can’t solve, a dream you can’t reach, a path you can’t follow (or blaze).

The hard part is not the accepting of the challenge. I have already done that.

The hard part is every single day reminding myself that this is what I am meant to do. And everything that I have to give up, everything I have to lose, everything I have to burn down in order to stay aligned with my calling, that is the work.

The sun doesn’t go away when the clouds roll in. It is still warming the planet and doing its thing just like it was always meant to do.

So today, my dreams of Everest may feel distant and less possible, it is still my path home to myself.

Morning Motivation: Second verse, same as the first

Another sunny day (two in a row, yay!) and I am feeling more hopeful than yesterday, although I didn’t wake up to my alarm clock (turned it off this time) and haven’t worked out yet, but at least breakfast isn’t as bad as yesterday and I am feeling more positive and hopeful.

I am grateful for so many things that sometimes I forget how truly lucky I am to be alive. The world is such an incredibly beautiful place, filled with incredibly beautiful people. I was given the gift of storytelling. Imagine what I can do with that gift. Imagine the people I can meet, the places I can go, the stories I can tell.

I was given this body - and its struggles - and what a gift it is. I get to find deep meaningful ways to love me even when I don’t love how I look. I get to discover how to tune out hateful, hurtful, harmful comments about my weight so I am prepared to do the same when I tell profound stories that create confrontation because it demands a new way of seeing and talking about specific issues. I get to push my physical limits past what I think is possible not only for myself, but of human beings. I get to fuel my body with the most wonderful and delicious foods and inspire others to enjoy what the Earth has to offer. I get to ignore those who tell me that I am too fat to climb, too old to be an athlete, too lazy to go after my dreams.

I was given this business and all of its challenges to help me see what I am truly meant to do (hint: It ain’t this). To finally accept and honor my path as an important storyteller and documentarian. As in, future generations will rely on my words to shape their brains. Future leaders will point to my work as proof of what humans are capable of and do the right thing to protect animals, the environment, and the marginalized.

My biggest obstacle isn’t being stuck. It’s refusing to see all the signs laid out in front of me that tell me where I am going wrong - and looking at the inverse to see where I am actually being led to go.

All of this pain and torment I am causing myself is because I refuse to admit what is right in front of me. This life, the life I have built for myself, is not mine to live. So I get to create it. Starting now.

Morning Motivation: Day One and already failing

Welcome to my journey from the couch to the top of the world. It’s Monday morning and I’ve already had one meltdown, two breakdowns, and three thoughts about just giving it all up.

I thought about starting this project later, when I have my shit together and can look “better” to the world. It would all be a lie and the entire reason I am doing this - chronicling my progress publicly - is so I can see for myself how I am doing and create proof that I am moving forward.

You can’t improve what you don’t track. You also can’t appreciate what you don’t acknowledge.

So, my inspiration for the morning is this: I know this is possible. I know that I have it in me to get to the summit of Everest, despite the story I tell myself.

I am my biggest roadblock. My darkest cave. My deepest crevasse. Whatever it takes to get unstuck from where I am right now, that is my next summit.

Connecting my dreams to my body so I learn to trust myself again.
Listening to my heart instead of my head so I act on my desires instead of what I think I should be doing.
Believing more in what I know I am capable of so I can ward off the depression that is always surrounding me.

I want so desperately to know the how.
I want so desperately to be told and/or shown exactly what to do next.
I want so desperately for this to be easier.

As if any path to my dreams would be easy. As any path to the summit would be easy.

So, I continue on my day.

Working on client projects. Figuring out what to do with my business so it brings in the money I need in less time so I can the space and financial support to train for this mission, my mission.

As far as first days go, it just is. Attaching emotions to the days isn’t going to help me stay positive or stop my downward spiral. So let’s call this day just another Monday.